There is a girl sitting across from me in the airport reading TFiOS. I brought it with me to re-read. Do I pointedly pull it out so we can cry together and be friends?0
Not that I’m counting or anything.0
There will be days that are good and you are happy. There will sometimes be days that are just ok and you aren’t much of anything.
Then there will be the days where you wake up and it feels like there is an elephant sitting on your chest and another one riding your back, or maybe it feels like all your limbs were turned to concrete overnight. Those will be the days that it takes everything within you to get out of bed. Put clothes on. Leave the house. And if you pretend to be normal, it will keep the darkness at bay for a few hours. But then you will go home again and the heaviness will still be there, waiting.
No one tells you these days can show up any time, triggered by anything. No one really tells you depression isn’t even a feeling as much as the sense that everything in your body and mind has been slowed down and weighted down. And it’d be so. much. easier to just stop on those days. And let it win. To not get out of bed and not get dressed and not go anywhere or do anything. The day is a war and each of those things, a battle.
Some nights all you can do is crawl back into bed and hope the elephants are gone tomorrow.0
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
“Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me that we’ll be alright ”
mumford and sons (via wonderalways)1
Peppermint white chocolate m&ms make me think of you.
I just realised that as I’m using them as therapy because i’m lonely and I miss you.
they make me think of you, and the package last christmas
to me, peppermint white chocolate m&ms say i love you. They tell me that I’m seen, even in the random little things. that i’m loved by someone who knows me well enough to love well.
i bought coffee too. that’ll always remind me.0
I love this. There’s someone else who believes it’s better to feel things all the way out, because it’s better to be real. It’s hard to love without pain.1
Somehow I’ve never believed I was worth loving just as me. I still don’t know how to believe it. I’m afraid to not have something wrong with me. In some crazy twisted way, if I have issues, at least that’s something I have to offer. A project. Something to fix. Something other than me for you to see. I don’t know how to just be. And I don’t know how to be loved.0
So it begins.0
An open question for evolution:
WHY did humans lose the prehensile tail? How is that adaptive? Having one would be the best thing ever. I want a refund.5